Men are not born with the ability to write their names in the snow. Indeed, that most important of appendages takes years to train and a lifetime to master. One must be able to put together just the right combination of experience, beverage, Jack Frost, and privacy in order to achieve this hallmark of masculinity.
The training starts early, and if it weren’t for utter ignorance the process would be most humiliating. The infant lad lays there getting his diaper changed and has no more control than a hamster with a fire hose. Gradually the bladder is brought under control, and each young male begins his own journey down the hallowed halls of urination.
Using the potty.
Using the potty but calling it by a different name when girls aren’t around.
Standing up at the potty.
Standing up at the potty without making your mom angry.
One of the most intimidating rites of passage, though, is the public washroom and the urinal. With a fragile male ego just beginning to bud you are told you need to unzip your pants in the presence of other men. Depending on your father figure and what he has taught you about the status of your member, you may feel pride or shame. But there is no getting away from the jitters as you stand before that porcelain and realize that regardless of the size of your fella, your legs are just not quite long enough to establish a good line of sight.
Ideally one would be able to line things up: eyes, ‘lil willy, urinal puck. For the small of stature it gets more complicated: eyes, puck, ‘lil willy. Up on the tips of the sneakers he goes, and at that exact moment (Chariots of Fire or some other fitting theme here) every male learns something about balance and focus.Balance and focus go hand in hand, so to speak. One without the other leaves a person either misguided or unstable, or both. This is as true for the spiritual life as it is for potty training (readers of this blog have voted, and tend to see the author as more unstable than misguided). So let me leave you with the following reminder:
As you grow and learn and live, try to stay steady and only aim at the things that matter. Remember that you’re a work in progress, and don’t be surprised at a little back-spray every now and then.
